The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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