I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
