I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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