hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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