is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
