After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
