hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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