How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Watching her eat just hurts me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
