no, he came in my armpit
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
