thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
