I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
