That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
