spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
