I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
