No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
