Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
