I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize
