Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
