Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
