OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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