Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
