Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
