Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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