New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
