God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
