you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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