I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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