The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
