If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
