The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
