Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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