i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
