You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
