the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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