I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
