the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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