i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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