Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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