i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
