just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
