i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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