you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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