How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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