i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
