his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
