Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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