why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
