Im at strip club and am horny
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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