gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
