Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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