Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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