...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
