The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
