i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
