You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
